This Article Is Sus

According to the Ghost of Heterosexuality

[Tone: Conversational, Humorous]

Many moons ago, I was having a conversation with a group of homies (men and women). I’m telling a riveting story about who I’ll call Ricky, getting hit in the face one time we were playing football. Let me break it down.

V: So, I’m scanning the field, doing my best to predict who the pass will go to so I can try and stop the play from working. I catch Ricky looking back at the quarterback, and I decide I’m going to shadow Ricky.

Ricky laughs a little.

V: Ricky makes a quick cut, and I’m taking an angle to make a play on the ball.

Ricky interjects

Ricky: WOOOOOW! PAUSE!

V looks puzzled and doesn’t continue talking. A few seconds go by.

Ricky: Why’d you stop telling the story?

The other homies are laughing and wondering the same.

V: Oh, you said “pause,” so I thought you had something to add.

Everyone laughs.

Ricky: Nah, I said pause because you said you trying to play on the ball.

V slowly starts getting what’s going on.

V: Oh, you’re doing that irrational and whack anti-gay/feminine thing.

Ricky: Nah, I mean I’m just saying that's crazy to say.

I’m going to stop there because that’s all we need for right now. “Pause.” The descendant of “No-Homo” has been floating around for a while now, and honestly, it's wild how deep it goes once you start thinking about it.

For those who ain’t up on game. When someone says "pause," they're usually trying to point out something they think sounds sexual—usually in a “gay way”—and they want to make it clear they didn’t mean it like that. It's a koo koo verbal reflex. You could be talking about eating a banana, doing yoga, or hugging your friend too long. Next thing you know, somebody’s yelling “Pause!” like the Ghost of Heterosexuality tapped them on the shoulder while they’re in bed.

Now, let me bring it to a personal level. I'm autistic. My brain is wired to take things literally; it's how I process the world. Typically, when I hear someone say "pause," I legit pause. I stop talking mid-sentence because I’m going off the definition of the word. I’m being briefly interrupted, and the other person needs to speak, as if they've just received a crucial mission update from NASA and have to share. I’m looking at them like, "Okay, what’s up? What did I miss?" Then they just stare at me, and I’m just waiting, and eventually, after some seconds, I realize the madness happening. Not the first time this happened either. At this point, I’ve paused more times than a remote with dying batteries.

But here’s the thing: to me, saying "pause" like that makes me deduct intelligence points from their health bar. It makes them look insecure. I’m thinking you're afraid of sounding even a little bit feminine, or worse, being seen as someone who might not be 100% straight. It is Hot Boys level... Juvenile. Keeping it a buck; most of the time, when someone says "pause," it feels more like they’re projecting than protecting. If just sounding the slightest bit “not-masculine” sets off alarm bells for you, maybe the problem ain’t your words. It could be your irrational feelings around what people think of you.

Now I don’t even think the root of this is always pure anti-LGBTQ sentiment. I think it’s deeper than rap. It’s that in our society, being a man who gives off any hint of feminine energy is seen as a problem. Not just being feminine, but being a man who even flirts with softness, compassion, or vulnerability? That’s when people start getting nervous. It’s like there’s this invisible alarm in Muggles' heads screaming, "Manhood compromised!"

This goes back to how we've been taught to survive in a patriarchal society—where masculinity is a performance, not a presence. And the second you break character, somebody's yelling "pause" like you dropped your script.

Also, let’s talk about how performative this all is. Saying "pause" isn’t about protecting yourself from some imaginary miscommunication—it’s about putting on a show. You're not correcting yourself for yourself; you're doing it for the crowd. It’s emotional immaturity in audio form. It’s middle school locker room energy wrapped in adult lingo. I hear it and act like my dog when I’m giving him one of my philosophical takes; squint, tilt my head, and think, "Bruh... that’s what you on?"

The truth is, language evolves. People evolve. And if we’re gonna keep growing, we’ve gotta stop being afraid of sounding human. Not every sentence needs a panic button. Not every word needs a lawyer. And maybe—just maybe—we can talk about bananas, emotional support, or vulnerable moments without somebody screaming "pause" like the cast of Pose gonna kick your door in with the gay police.

So next time you feel that urge to say it? Maybe don’t. Or better yet, actually pause—and think about why you felt the need to distance yourself so fast. Because chances are, the only thing that needed correcting wasn’t the sentence. It was the fear behind it.

SWIRV. 🖖🏽

Before you dip out, here are some recommendations:

• Positive News Story - “Wendy’s, Wisdom and an Unexpected Bond”

• Music Album Suggestion - Little Simz’s album “Lotus”